Is It Time to Leave Your Relationship?

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The following is an excerpt from my newest book, The Karma Queens’ Guide to Relationships:

I’m a firm believer in making things work. I was married for nearly 30 years and endured the turbulence that all relationships experience in time. Divorce is always a valid option, but many times, people jump straight to it too quickly. This is not to say that if you’ve divorced you’ve done anything wrong–absolutely not! But even if you are divorced now, maybe you want to discover new ways of keeping the love alive next time you find a great partner for you. And if you are currently in a relationship, do what you can to improve it. Don’t abandon ship because you think it’ll be easier; whatever issues you’re experiencing now will likely present themselves in your next romance. Listen to your instincts and be honest with yourself about how you are feeling. It is the only way to ensure that you will make the right choice about a relationship.

The reasons for the fading of love are many, and can vary. Maybe one partner changes over time, someone’s needs change, the couple shares a loss they can’t fully recover from, or a third person interferes in the relationship. Relationships all hit trouble spots, and it can be tricky to determine whether they can be saved. Many people feel they’ve already done everything in their power to make their relationship work, but to no avail. The circumstances aren’t improving and their partner just isn’t reciprocating their efforts. If you find yourself in this scenario, you must make a decision that’s reflects your best interests. Is it time to leave your relationship? Consider for a moment the following list of words that describe a relationship still infused with love:
1. Excitement
2. Laughter
3. Energy
4. Willful sacrifice
5. Nurture

Are you excited when your partner walks through the door? Do you actually look forward to seeing this person at the end of the day? Do you laugh together and have energy for each other? Would you gladly sacrifice for the one you love? Do you enjoy nurturing and caring for your partner?

Now take a look at this list. Do these words resonate more for you when you think about your relationship?
1. Blame
2. Judgment
3. Tired
4. Careless
5. Irritated

Read more blogs from Dr. Carmen Harra

Three ways to ease the Valentine’s Day blues

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THERE are two big reasons for terrible Valentine’s Day disappointment if you’re part of a couple. Either your special someone is actually a proper drip and V-day highlights their many failings, or you have some old childhood pain that’s getting in the way of feeling their love.

If option one is the problem for you, then I think you know what to do. Try to let Valentine’s Day be the small kick up the bum that gives you the gumption to say goodbye to a crummy connection.

But if you think option two might be more your scene, then you may want to arm yourself with a few trusty painkillers and spare your partner from having to bear the wrath of your disappointment.

  1. Risk being the giver
  2. Remind yourself that it really is the thought that counts
  3. Practice gratitude and say thank you

Keep this list with you, and read through it when she totally forgets Valentine’s is even a thing but remembers the pig’s ear for the dog, or when he suggests that creating your own burger at the golden arches might be an exciting way to spend this Sunday afternoon.

Gratitude can take you from the self-absorption of your past hurts to the reality of the love your disappointments may be blocking you from feeling. So take the time to notice the truly wonderful things about your special person. It does indeed work, there is even science about it.

But please don’t stop there. On the day of big red hearts, let your partner know what you love about them and thank them for all the little things they do that you appreciate. Practising gratitude and saying thank you is like a cream pie in the face of your rom-com induced expectations. Don’t be afraid to throw it hard.

Read full article here.